This is just a new version of an old rant, in a way. You'll find similar rants on lots of people who write websites "frequently asked questions" pages, and it is so discouraging as to make those of us who do this webpage thing for what I'll loosely call "fun" want to hang up our HTML shoes and just quit.

It's the stupid emails that arrive without warning in my email box. I'm not sure I can take it anymore!

Mostly I get letters from students who very transparently want me to write their homework/essays for them. They say things like: please analyze for me the symbolism in James Joyce's Ulysses, summarizing it in two double-spaced typed pages, using MLA format. (Okay, that's an exaggeration, but not by much! Really!)

I get complaining letters: did you know that your "webpage x" didn't load properly and now my life is over?" "It's really hard to read white text on black pages" and "have you ever considered writing a review of blah blah so we can have the information out there?" I do appreciate the warnings if a link is broken, or something is wrong with the site... do please continue to drop those helpful little notes. But remember, I am a human, who sometimes goes to the mailbox in a grumpy mood, too, and you might get an email back with an attitude if you think your "don't kid yourself, lady" letter is cute, rather than sarcastic & annoying. I even once got a random letter from someone I'd never even met with nothing more than the text: "lady, you are full of s--t." And there wasn't the kind little blocking out of the not-so-Emily Post word in his letter. After posting the letter writer's picture (which I found easily on his website, which was listed in his signature file) on jerks.com, I moved on with my life. But it is a little unsettling.

I also get a lot of letters from people who figure that since I have a site on women writers, I know something about every woman who has ever written a book. They write for author's email addresses or phone numbers. They write for me to send them information on Joan Q. Author, (who I've often never heard of). Hey folks, I know that you're just honestly looking for help here, but let me say this once-- I am not a publishing company, do not personally know any of the authors listed on my site other than the occasional interview (for which I am endlessly grateful), and I wouldn't give out personal info like phone numbers and email addresses even if I did. Find their publisher's site and send their publicist a note. If the author is interested, they will get back to you. Just remember: fan mail is wonderful-- but people who spend their professional life at a computer monitor really need to spend the time they are at the monitor on their jobs-- writing the fiction and poetry that you so love.

Now, I'll admit that I have written to an author or two in my lifetime... but only if they publish, somewhere, their email address. It's usually quite easy to find an author who has done this-- put their name into a good search engine and if they have a site, you will find it. If you don't find it, they probably don't have a site yet.

I also do not have any money to give out to starving college students, or writers who would like to get their work published in book format. I really wish I did; if I did, I would set up a college fund. But right now, I am still a college student myself, so go find someone with deep pockets-- like the Federal Government.

I know this sounds awfully grumpy, and for that, gentle reader, I apologize. I won't make it go on for too long, just let you know that if you were thinking "boy, I'll be this person could write my paper for me" or "I wonder if they know about the obscure fifth century woman author I just recently heard about on NPR" then think again-- don't do it. You might just push me over the edge.

So if you want to hear more of the things that get under my skin (plus a few of my favorite things), check out my old rants in the archives.

XOXO.....

Disagree with me? Want to rant about something completely different?. You might get published, if you've got the chops, and don't mind working for peanuts. Or no peanuts and just the general thanks and appreciation of a grateful nation.... for more info, see the contributor's page.